Lookin’ back on how it was in years gone by, and the good times that I had, makes today seem rather sad. So much has changed…
Yesterday Once More. That was the first English song that I managed to sing when I was 13 years old in that small town. That was 14 years ago. The midpoint of my life so far.
Since then, so much has indeed changed.
I have kept imagining how I would look like and what I would be doing in future. Now is the future to that little boy 14 years ago. What did that little boy imagine I would have been doing now? Forgotten. Long forgotten. Human memory is very much limited. And I’m sure in 14 years time I would not remember what I am imagining now.
This imagination is one of the things that have changed. Although I can’t remember what I imagined 14 years ago, I know I felt hopeful about my future at that time. And the hopefulness and youthfulness have vanished somewhere in my college. My imagination now can hardly be called an imagination, for it ignites no hope to succeed, but mere desire to survive.
I’m still young. Physically. I can still afford to dream if I want to. The thing is, somehow, I don’t want to. It seems to me that my experience has proven that dreams are worthless. Ideals are just pieces of junks that cannot provide you adequate education or decent income. They cannot even be consumed to fill your stomach.
And here I am, struggling with the work review, hoping the salary day can come faster, waiting for the term to be over… More sleep is my ambition; less work, my dream; and higher pay, my ideal. Pathetic? Maybe. But I don’t care.
